I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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