I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
