Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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