I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
