I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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