there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
