Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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