she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
