smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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