Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
