I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
