Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
