saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
