Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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