I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
