Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
