WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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