i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
