If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
