I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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