You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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