i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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