paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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