i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
