she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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