No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
