I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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