Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Barsexuality is the new black.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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