Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Boobs are out for the taking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
