he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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