Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
