I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to make out with him forever
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
