just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
