one might say we're banned from that church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
