I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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