it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
