Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
