I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
