About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
