I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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