He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
