My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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