I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
