HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
