Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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