I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
