Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
