The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
