so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
