when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
