Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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