Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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